This weekend John and I celebrate our 17th anniversary. That in it’s self is amazing. I feel so blessed to have had 17 wonderful years with my friend and beloved, John. God has blessed us in so many ways. First and foremost is our relationship. We really enjoy each other, laugh together and challenge each other. He believes in me, encourages me and has helped me to grow professionally, personally, emotionally and spiritually.
Usually we go on a weekend getaway to celebrate, leaving the kiddos home with a friend. Because Daniel is so new to our family, we decided we simply could not leave him behind so this year our anniversary trip is a family getaway. We are staying at a cottage owned by one of our Gateway Church members. She generously offers for Gateway staff members to use her cottage for a significantly reduced price. It’s a beautiful two bedroom house near Holly Lake in East Texas. As I prepared to come, I was praying for our trip I began to pray for Daniel especially. He could very easily be undone by the weekend trip. We want this weekend to be relaxing and fun for everyone, not stressful in any way. I’ve been praying that Daniel would not be worried about where we are going, or if we are going home again. That he would be secure enough in his place in our family that everything would go smoothly. Well, we arrived Friday night and the kiddos went right to sleep. There were no objections from Daniel, nor did he need us to stay with him as he slept (as I expected he might). So far so good. Well the next morning when it was time to get dressed I pulled out clothes for each of the kids. Daniel immediately started shouting “NO” and rattling off in Mandarin, clearly very upset. He grabbed his clothes and ran to his room crying. Not understanding at all I followed him to try to discover what was going on and comfort him, resolve the problem. He had his pants on the bed and he was punching them saying “no” over and over and crying. Then it clicked in my head. I had chosen the jeans he wore the day we met him. His “orphanage” pants. Those pants, coupled with being in a new place triggered some strong emotions in Daniel. I don’t know exactly what he was feeling, but it was clearly very upsetting. Of course, I hugged and kissed him, told him I love him and that he is part of our family forever, things I say to him daily, sometimes hourly. I gave him the other pair of pants I had packed and put the “orphanage” pants away. God forgive me for not foreseeing that response. I knew things might be hard for him, why in the world would I choose those pants? Oh God, please continue to heal his little heart and be the grace that makes up for the humanity of his parents.
Saturday we went for a long walk in the woods. I really enjoy watching the kids with John. He was teaching them what a Maple leaf or Oak leaf looks like. What side of the tree the moss grows on and how to find your way out of the forest if you get lost. He showed them what seeds from different trees looked like, and each collected a couple dozen pine cones, leaves and other misc. things. He is such a good dad. He even found a great climbing tree and encouraged the kids to take a try. I of course had to climb up first, in the name of showing them how. I LOVE climbing trees, there’s something about being able to see the world from high up in a tree. Anyway, they both nervously gave it a try.
I pulled my camera out of my purse and the battery is dead. Somehow it turned on in my purse. Grrrrrr. I guess no pictures of this trip for my scrapbook; very disappointing for an avid scrapbooker. I’ll have to find another way to document our vacation. Perhaps I’ll pick up a disposable camera from the local (12 miles away) Brookshire’s.
Recently Daniel has started “baby talking”. He uses Mandarin, mixed with sounds that are not English or Mandarin. They sound like baby talk to me. It’s like he is trying to mimic English and its basic sounds, just like a baby does when he starts talking. Ba, Ma and Da but also more complex sounds, just not words. I guess his brain is working on English, just not in a way we can understand yet. It’s really funny to hear, but we are trying not to chuckle. I think he thinks he’s speaking English. He’s such a talker, a mile a minute most days, I’m guessing really hard on him not to be able to communicate.
Today we head back to the real world, although I’m going to delay as long as possible. I like forgetting about all the laundry, school projects and work that face us at home. This retreat has been a blessing, allowing us to make some great family memories together. I better go make breakfast for the family before we start packing up to go. Thanks for “listening”.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
The Story
This has been an interesting week, full of lessons, mistakes and thankfully God’s grace. The most significant of the things I want to share happened on Wednesday evening after dinner. I was sitting at the kitchen table helping Cosette with a school project; John was using my work laptop researching how to repair our home computer, which is a story in it’s self, but I’ll refrain. Daniel was playing with his cars on the kitchen floor. Daniel walked up to me and started talking to me (in Mandarin) about something. But this time, he was very intent that I understood. As usual, he used a mixture of Mandarin, charades and a tiny bit of mispronounced English. He was telling me his ear hurt. He has been getting a runny nose so I assumed he might be getting an ear infection. No, he continued. He held his hands out about 18 inches apart and said Guo Heng baby, now pointing to himself. Then he said again that his ear hurt. Oh, I thought, he’s talking about his surgery when he was two. Sure enough! He continued by showing me the size of the tumor that was cut off of his ear. He used his fingers to show a cutting motion, like scissors. He took my hand and touched it to the slight indention on his cheekbone where the tumor was. Then he moved my hand to his ear. All the while rattling on in Mandarin about it all. He told me very clearly that he has one ear that is BIG, he used the English word for big, and one ear that is small, gesturing with his hands for small. He stopped the story and touched my ears; and said “mama TWO BIG ear” (in English)! Which he clearly thought was hilarious. After we all had a good laugh about mom’s big ears he went back to telling me about his own ears. He knows that he is going to have surgery to repair his ear, and it seemed he was asking when that would happen. I told him maybe next summer, using the electronic translator to be sure he understood. Always the jokester, with that silly look on his face he asked if I was going to have my ears fixed too. Silly boy!
This is very significant. The fact that he trusts us enough to share this story of when he was a baby is significant. The fact that he was able to so clearly get the whole story across to me was incredible! (I’m sure it helped that I already knew and recognized the story when he started telling it) He attempted a complete English sentence “Mama (has) two big ear” and that is amazing after only hearing English for 8 weeks. I see this moment as a breakthrough in so many ways. Thank you Father for your continued grace on this journey.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
School... what are our rights?
Currently I’m researching Federal and State law with regard to English Language Learners. I am trying to become more educated so I can influence the services Daniel will receive from the school district. The district thus far has been quite consistent; he will be streamlined with 45 minutes a day of ESL. I don’t find this adequate so I will continue to research. I believe Daniel and others like him should receive some assistance and service in his primary language. Here are a couple of legal presidents:
"Today, education is…a principal instrument in awakening the child to cultural values, in preparing him (her) for later professional training, and in helping him (her) to adjust normally to his (her) environment. In these days, it is doubtful that any child may reasonably be expected to succeed in life if he (she) is denied the opportunity of an education."
--
"No person in the United States shall, on the ground of race, color or national origin, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits or otherwise be subjected to discrimination under any program or activity receiving federal financial assistance from the department of Health, Education and Welfare."
-- Title VI, Civil Rights Act, 1964
"No state shall deny equal educational opportunity to an individual on account of his or her race, color, sex, or national origin, by the failure of an educational agency to take appropriate action to overcome language barriers that impede equal participation by its students in its instructional programs." -- excerpt from the Equal Educational Opportunities Act of 1974, 20 U.S.C. § 1703
The United States Department of Education Office for Civil Rights (OCR) has the responsibility for enforcing Title VI of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. This Act prohibits discrimination on the basis of race, color or national origin in programs and activities that receive federal financial assistance.
Title VI has been interpreted by U. S. Federal Courts to prohibit denial of equal access to education because of a student’s limited proficiency in English. Thus Title VI protects those students whose English language skills are limited to the point that they cannot participate in, or benefit from, regular or special education school instructional programs.
During the late 1960s, OCR became aware that many school districts around the country made little or no provision for the education of students who were unable to understand English. In an attempt to resolve this problem, the former Department of Heath, Education and Welfare issued a memorandum, on 25 May 1979, to clarify Title VI requirements concerning the responsibility of school districts to provide equal education opportunity to English Language Learners (ELL).
The 25 May memorandum explained that Title VI is violated if:
1. Programs for students whose English is less than proficient are not designed to teach them English as soon as possible or operate as a dead end track.
"Where inability to speak and understand the English language excludes national origin-minority group children from effective participation in the educational program offered by a school district, the district must take affirmative steps to rectify the language deficiency in order to open its instructional program to these students."
-- 25 May memorandum
2. Parents whose English is limited do not receive notices and other information from schools in a language they can understand.
"School districts must have the responsibility to adequately notify national origin-minority group parents of school activities which are called to the attention of other parents. Such notice, in order to be adequate, may have to be provided in a language other than English."
-- 25 May memorandum
3. School districts cannot assign student to special education program solely on the grounds of the student’s inability to speak English.
"School districts must not assign national origin-minority group students to classes for the mentally retarded on the basis of criteria which essentially measure or evaluate English language skills: nor may school districts deny national origin-minority group children access to college preparatory courses on a basis directly related to the failure of the school system to inculcate English language skills."
-- 25 May memorandum
This means that districts must provide language instruction that is meaningful and gives non-English speaking students both the social and academic language skills they need to succeed academically and that districts must provide communication to the parents of such students in the language of the home.
In 1974 the U.S. Supreme Court upheld the 25 May memorandum as a valid interpretation of the requirement of Title VI in Lau vs. Nichols.
"Basic English Skills are at the very core of what…public schools teach. Imposition of a requirement that, before a child can effectively participate in the educational program, he must already have acquired those basic skills, is to make a mockery of public education."
Update
I’ve not written for several weeks. They have been busy weeks. First, and most importantly, Daniel is doing great. He is adjusting well, sleeping through the night, eating almost anything presented and generally enjoying life.
We returned from
Wednesday, 10 days ago, while dashing to intervene between the kids I pulled something in my calf. I heard a distinct pop and fell to the ground in pain. An ultrasound and MRI later and it seems I completely tore a small muscle in my calf. It is no longer attached at the knee. The surgeon says it will cause more trauma in my knee to reattach the muscle and that other muscles can compensate for the torn muscle so there is not reason to operate. I will be going through a couple months of physical therapy and all should be well. The pain is fairly severe if I put pressure directly on my foot, but if I am careful when I walk or use the crutches I’m able to make it without pain relievers. Like I needed another complication in my life, right?
My pour little guy has been poked, prodded, measured and weighed more then anyone should have to endure. He has patiently endured but not happily. Friday the poor little guy had to have 5 immunizations. The good news is we have confirmed through all these tests that Daniel is very healthy.
Last week Daniel had to have some dental work done. He had a tooth that was about to abscess, it had to be crowned ASAP. Daniel wasn’t allowed to eat breakfast the morning of the procedure. As I thought about the situation; how in the world do I communicate this to him? I can’t feed John and Cosette in front of him. I spent some time praying, I specifically asked the Lord to keep Daniel asleep that morning. That is exactly what happened. Cosette woke up early and she and I had some special one on one time having breakfast together. Then we got ready for our day. Just before leaving I got Daniel up, dressed and out the door. God is so good!
The “happy juice” Daniel was given lowered his defenses. It was amazing! He snuggled with me, kissed me, loved on me and let me do the same; he repeated every word I said IN ENGLISH. I told him he was a silly boy and he would say “Daniel sillay bolay” I would tell
him he was my sweet baby boy and he repeated “mama’s sillay baby bolay.” It was very sweet.
Daniel started kindergarten. He is so excited about school. I think the month home with me was very valuable; we did the right thing keeping him home with me. But I definitely think it’s time for him to go to school. We visited with his teacher last week, and he spent 3 hours in class last Thursday. When we arrived that morning he and Cosette dashed inside the school; he exclaimed “Yeah!” with a high pitched squeal. When I caught up, hobbling on the crutches, he was putting his back pack away and Cosette was helping him get settled into class. I stayed in the room for a while, making sure he was ok. Then I bent down to say goodbye and kissed his cheek. I said “Daniel I love you. I’ll see you at lunch time.” He responded in a nervous little squeal “I love you mama, bye bye.” My sweet boy was a little nervous, but so ready!
We had our first post adoption visit with our social worker last week. That too was quite encouraging. All the professionals we have consulted with are stunned by how well Daniel is doing.
God continues to work.
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