We met the director of the CCAA!

Just a quick note. When our group went to the U.S. Consulate for our searing in ceremony we found a great surprise, well actually two. First, the director of the CCAA (Chinese Center for Adoption Affairs) was there that day! This was his first visit to the Consulate in three years. He was introduced and he observed while we all promised... whatever it was we promised. I could not understand the woman on the very distorted microphone. Anyway, the second surprise was that one of the members of our group had a diplomatic card and was allowed to bring her camera into the consulate. Normally you can't bring anything in, no cameras, no cell phones, etc. Our guide said "bring passport only, nothing else." then she added "oh and your new child." Anyway, they took a picture of our travel group, and I guess because we were adopting an older child the director was particularly interested in talking to us. He didn't speak any English and we very little Mandarin so not much communication happened but it was clear he was pleased. Here are the pictures.

Tonya (for J, C & D)

Maaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Daniel is a precious child. He has a happy countenance, he is funny too (I think). His physical antics are funny; his facial expressions are obviously trying to communicate humor. He certainly cracks himself up! I wish we knew what he was saying. It’s amazing, his ability to adjust to our home, our family and still have such a wonderful countenance in the midst of what must be very stressful. Don’t get me wrong, he is often frustrated when he doesn’t understand, and he expresses that also. Usually these expressions come in the form of a whinny loud “Maaaaaaaaaaa” from the other room. That usually means he feels his sister has wronged him. (picture on the top right is at the Texas State Fair).

The other day he was giving me a hug and kiss and he whispered "wo ai ne" (I love you) in my ear. We say this to him every time we get a chance and he has been responding in kind for several weeks. Anyway, I guess he wasn't convinced I heard him so he repeated it over and over "wo ai ne, wo ai ne, wo ai ne" about 50 times, each time getting faster and pronouncing it a little less clearly. Now normally this would melt a mothers heart, and I don't mean to be cold hearted, but here's what it sounded like to me "wh i nny, wh i nny, wh i nny", and with a smile on my face I thought, "yes dear, you are whinny, and I love you too."

The almost constant sibling rivalry is something I had not adequately prepared myself for. He looks at Cosette’s room, full of 6 year accumulation of “stuff” and he is jealous. I totally understand. He has a lot of toys of his own, but it certainly does not compare to Cosette’s stash. There is a struggle between the concept of owning and sharing. The toy is Cosette’s, but she is required to share it. An example of our struggle is the bath toys. Cosette was an only child for 6 years. Everything that was for a child was hers, I get that. So now the rules of the game have completely changed. We have two and Daniel wants to play with the bath toys, of course. Well, Cosette is convinced they are hers to control. When not supervised she doles out toys one at a time completely controlling what he has and when. Obviously not ok. It’s an adjustment for all of us!

While Cosette is at school we do normal stuff. Often he will sit and color for 20 minutes at a time (great attention span for a newly adopted child). We work on language building every day; leap frog, flash cards, picture books, writing the alphabet, etc. and he loves all of those activities. He struggles with spatial skills; puzzles are clearly completely new to him and he is just starting to understand that the pieces make a picture. We need to get a few more puzzles for him, ones that will capture his attention. He’s currently working at age level 3-4 with puzzles. We play outside a lot, too; swinging, jumping on the trampoline, swimming in the inflatable wading pool, riding the bike, etc. Of course, we also have to do laundry, wash dishes and go to the grocery store. He is a good helper, loads and unloads the dish washer with me; helps put his clothes away, etc. He is learning so much every day.

We are slowly doing better on the issue of food. At first we were struggling to find foods he could enjoy. I would cook things I thought would be familiar and he would reject them outright. I forced him to take a bite a couple of times. If he doesn’t like it I’m not forcing him to eat it at this point, but he is learning that he really might like things even when they look unfamiliar. He likes plane yogurt, with a teaspoon of honey in it, anything made with beef; bananas, eggs in any form, shrimp and of course rice!

This morning after breakfast he came over to me and gave me a huge hug, kissed me on the cheek and said "tank u ver we match" (thank you very much). At bed time he wants us to stay with him until he falls asleep, but after that he sleeps peaceful alone in his room.

Sometimes I find myself tired, and not wanting to jump, run and resolve one more time. There is a reason why God made our bodies to birth children in our 20’s and 30’s. At 40, chasing a new kiddo around, similar to a toddler who is exploring his world, is exhausting. By the time my two are in bed around 8:15 I crash completely. I’ve slept better then I have for years! I guess that’s good, right.

I’m researching books on helping manage sibling rivalry. Any tips are welcomed. I prepared for a lot of things, but somehow neglected to prepare for this issue.

Dear God, I thank You for the gift of this child to raise, this life to share, this mind to help mold, this body to nurture, and this spirit to enrich.

Let me never betray Daniel’s trust, dampen his hope, or discourage his dreams. Help me dear God to help this precious child become all you mean him to be.

Let Your grace and love fall on him like gentle breezes and give him inner strength and peace and patience for the journey ahead.

We are off to church in a few minutes. Be blessed friends.

Tonya (for J, C & D)

Home alone with mom

We have been home sense Friday afternoon and they have been fun and exhausting days! The flight was anything but fun. Although the kids were amazingly well behaved, all three of my travel companions were sick on the ride home. One threw up, another threw up and had diarrhea. John was nauseous had stomach cramps and fever. I think I slept for about 30 minutes before I realized how sick my crew was and stepped into “nurse-mom mode.” The worst was one child’s runny poo all over the seat and clothes! We now own one of those plane blankets because it was all I had to put around the no longer messy child after I cleaned them up and washed out the pants in the plane bathroom. Believe me, no fun!

After 23 hours of travel we finally arrived at DFW. Our friend Julie met us at the airport. Daniel was so excited about going to the long awaited “new mamas house.” One suitcase didn’t make it to Dallas. After a brief conversation with United they found the bag and guaranteed delivery between 6 and 10 p.m. Ok, let’s go home.

Once we arrived home, Cosette exuberantly walked Daniel through the house, explaining what was what, whose was whose, etc. It was fun to see them both so excited. Daniel loved “new mama’s house”. He was especially excited about his room. Several times he confirmed with me that these toys were indeed for him. This bed was indeed his; these clothes were actually for him, etc. The excitement in his expressions were priceless. Periodic gasps of excitement peppered his giggles and smiles. What fun!

Our good friend and neighbor, Jackie had prepared a crock pot with chicken cooking for our dinner. That was a wonderful blessing. Thanks Jackie! Another friend Julie had grocery shopped for us, filing our otherwise very empty fridge with milk, eggs and other necessities. It’s great to be loved!

Language - a systematic means of communicating by the use of sounds or conventional symbols.

Several people have asked how we are communicating. I must admit it’s frustrating and difficult, but we are communicating. It’s a hard thing to describe. He points and rambles on in Mandarin. I recognize a word, or simply figure out through gestures or context. Another method is simply to get him to show me. We do a lot of walking around pointing at things. Generally our language is a strange fusion of grunts, grins and words, both Mandarin and English.

Over the weekend our goal was to stay awake during the day, and to sleep at night. Simple right? Well, not quite as simple as you might think. In order to facilitate this goal we did our best to pack our day with activity. Shopping for groceries, playing in the back yard, unpack suitcases, do laundry, etc. We even went to church on Saturday.

We hadn’t planned on taking Daniel to church for several weeks, but we were bored, falling asleep and thought “why not”. We didn’t really plan on leaving him in class either, but when we got to Cosette’s classroom he seemed willing to go so we tried. Cosette took his hand and they went together. We picked up a pager so they could contact us immediately if Daniel needed us, then we walked around the corner and waited just to be sure he was ok. He did great! The teacher indicated that Daniel had a great time, joined in with the actions to the worship songs and was all smiles. He was definitely ready to go when we picked him up just an hour later. He grabbed my hand and wouldn’t let go.

On Monday morning Daniel (and I) had to face some harsh realities. Dad was off to work and even more difficult, Cosette was going to school. When John kissed and hugged each of us to say good bye for the day Daniel protested a little. Then later when he noticed John’s truck was gone we had a few tears. Then we loaded up the car and headed to Cosette’s school. Daniel was glued to me while we got Cosette settled into class. When we walked out of the building he was relieved UNTIL he realized Cosette wasn’t coming with us. He was devastated! He cried all the way home saying something about his “jie Jieh”. It was sweet but heart breaking. The rest of the day we had a lot of fun playing but still he would periodically ask about “jie jeih” with a distressed voice. The morning of day two Daniel came out of his room with his backpack on ready to go to school. Again we had tears when he realized Cosette was going to school and that he was headed home with me once again. Day three was a little better, at least no tears.

Daniel and I have filled our days with normal “stuff”. We have sorted laundry, had a blast washing dishes and gotten dirty sweeping the back porch; generally just done life together. Yesterday when we played dress up Daniel put a tutu on my head like a wig.

In a few weeks Daniel will start kindergarten and I will be going back to work. We will continue to adjust and eventually find our “new normal.” Keep us in your prayers. God’s grace is sustaining us, his love is filing our hearts and his blessings continue to encourage us!

Tonya (for J, C & D)

We are home at last!

Friends and family, we have arrived safely back at home. Daniel only slept about one hour on our 12 ½ hour flight back to the states. He kept asking if we were almost there yet in pantomime; and I kept pantomiming back that it was going to be a long, looong, looooooong trip home. I was able to use language to tell him that we were landing in America as we approached San Franciso. He was soooo excited! He traveled pretty well considering the long trip and the fact that he was a six year old boy confined to an economy class seat. But when he understood that we were on the final leg from San Francisco to Dallas he did even better. He was a real trooper!

When we first met Daniel and showed him pictures of our house and his room, he asked a lot of questions about the number of toys he would have since he could see a lot of toys in the picture of his sister’s room, but not in the picture of his room. We tried to tell him he would have plenty of toys, but he still seemed skeptical. He is skeptical no longer! He has been playing almost non-stop since we got home. The three veteran members of the family woke up at various times last night due to the readjustment to Texas time and nearly always discovered Daniel awake and playing quietly with his new toys. So far the comprehensive set of Home Depot tools and the larger vehicles for action figures are the big favorites. However, there are a lot of toys that we haven’t let him see yet just because we didn’t want to overwhelm him.

As I was typing this a delivery came from our church. They sent us a beautiful welcome home arrangement of fresh and chocolate covered fruit! I must go partake! Thank you Gateway!!! And thank you all for participating with us in this exciting adventure. We quite honestly could not have completed this journey without your support. We so value your friendship and your support; and we look forward to introducing each of you to Daniel.

John (for T,C and D)

Good bye from China!

Well it’s raining today so John is trying to coral the kids in the other room while I pack. Later today, at 2:45, is our consulate appointment. After that we are going to dinner with the Gu’s. Hopefully we will be back to the hotel and in bed early because tomorrow is a very long day of travel. We leave the hotel around 5 a.m., fly from Guangzhou to Hong Kong, transfer flights and get on the 12 hour flight Hong Kong to San Francisco. Finally, after immigration, we will fly home to Dallas around 4 p.m. on Friday. Please pray for us as we are confined in a small space for 12 plus hours with two very energetic young children. I believe we are as prepared as we can be.

Each time we travel to China I am reminded how beautiful this place it is, how welcoming the people are and how much we love both.

Thanks for following along with us. We will let everyone know we are home safely on Friday evening or Saturday morning. After we are home, we will post periodic updates on the kids. Check in as you like!

The Eisenhauers are saying good bye from China!
Tonya (for J, C & D)

The end is near...

We have the privilege of being in China during the Autumn Moon Festival. Primarily this is a time to be with family, to enjoy being together and go out to eat together. Snoopy’s parents invited us to join them and some other friends for dinner. We had a lovely night, except for that Daniel’s poor manners and Cosette’s absolute exhaustion from the previous day’s trip. It would be the understatement of they year to say the kids were difficult to manage. The restaurant had a glass wall overlooking the Pearl River and Guangzhou, so we were able to watch the moon rise over the horizon. There were toasts to the new moon, to friendship both new and old. It would have been a lovely evening if I was not so completely consumed with the kiddos.

Guangzhou and more specifically Shaman Island have changed a lot in the 6 years we have been away. The most glairing change is in the prices of things! Everything is very expensive, it seems even for western standards prices are high. John and Daniel went to dinner at our favorite restaurant on the island, Cow and Bridge, while Cosette and I were away. They shared an entrée with two bowls of rice and drinks, for $40 dollars. Prices in the stores have doubled and tripled also.

We have now joined the travel group from our adoption agency. There are six other families I believe. They have been together as a group for the majority of the trip. There are several girls close to Cosette’s age in the group and Cosette quickly made friends with a few of the girls. It is nice for her to have some English speaking friends for a few days. Unfortunately, Daniel was jealous and clearly felt left out. You can understand, she has been his companion and friend for the past two weeks and she was suddenly gone, leaving him alone with mom and dad. I’m sure he was confused also. On the bus Cosette sat in the back with her friends while Daniel sat with me. Periodically he would look back there and yell “jie jieh” (big sister). It was sweet to see him concerned about and miss her.

Yesterday was another outing, this time to a safari park where we road a train through a wildlife park, watching all the animals from all over the world. It was nice that we didn’t have to walk in the intense heat. It’s between 95 and 100 degrees here during the day with high humidity. After we got of the train, we walked to the Panda display. This time there were a dozen or more pandas to see. Again, a highlight for Cosette. We got separated from the group for a while, which was evidentially stressful for the group, but we were enjoying our selves.

Today, Tuesday, we take Daniel to his medical exam. The U.S. government requires this, not sure exactly why. Then we work on paperwork for the U.S. visa. I’ve filled out all our forms, but the guide needs to double check everything. Tomorrow the forms are taken to the U.S. Consulate so Daniel’s entrance visa can be issued. Thursday we have the official searing in ceremony. If it’s like last time, the big group is asked to all raise their right hand and promise to parent our children, and some other things I don’t remember. No big deal. Friday we head home! Our trip home will be long and grueling. We leave early on Friday; fly from Guangzhou to Hong Kong, collect our bags and transfer to our international carrier, United. We then take the 12.5 hour flight to San Francisco, transfer again and fly home, arriving about 4 p.m. Friday afternoon at DFW finally! We will be glad to be home. This has been a very long, tiring, expensive, difficult trip. It has also been a very wonderful, fun and exciting trip. We will be happy to be home.

Thanks for following along with us.

Tonya

Zhanjiang SWI... blessings from Heaven!

Well, I want to say that words fail me as I try to describe the events of today, but I’m going to describe it so that wouldn’t be entirely true. It was amazing, incredible, unbelievable, spectacular, moving, intense, emotional, wonderful, surprising, miraculous, mind-blowing, remarkable, astounding, inconceivable, fantastic… just a few words that come to mind, but they still aren’t quite right. Cosette and I are both going to need some time and space to process today’s events. Perhaps I’ll write more about my thoughts and feelings another day. For now I’ll do my best to simply describe the events of the past 24 hours.

As we prepared to leave Liaoning we asked Maggie, our guide, to explain once again to Daniel that Cosette and I would be leaving the following morning, Saturday. That we would go to Cosette’s orphanage and return the next day. This was not the first time we had told him, but we wanted to be sure he was not surprised. He was sad at first and resistant, then as he began to understand that John would be staying with him, that our big suitcases with all Cosette and my things would be there with them he began to accept it.

The flight from Shenyang to Guangzhou was relatively uneventful. It was fun to experience Daniel’s excitement over flying. Everything was new and exciting. Mama cha, Mama cha! (Mom look!) was repeated about a 100 times. We arrived in Guangzhou around midnight Friday night. The kiddo’s were wound up, we had a crib in the room instead of cots for the kids and it seemed we had about a dozen other problems with the room, but we were so exhausted we couldn’t think straight so we asked for the cots and told the guide we would deal with the other issues in the morning. By the time the kids were asleep it was after 1 a.m. Yikes, I thought, I’m going pay for this tomorrow. BTW – John was amazing today. He sat between the kiddo’s on the plane and basically took care of them the entire trip. It was a great break for me.

This morning Daniel woke up first. He was surprised and scared when he woke up. He couldn’t figure out where he was and he started crying at the top of his lungs. Poor little guy was really scared. Of course, I collected him and took him to our bed to try to calm him down and get back to sleep. Well, the first happened, but not the second. He and I were both operating on about 5 hours sleep!

We had arranged to have lunch with Snoopy’s parents (Snoopy was our exchange student who lived with us for 10 months back in 2007). They came to our hotel and directed us to a private room for an amazing banquet. There was course after course of amazing food. Plenty of things I didn’t recognize, and things I did too. What a wonderful extravagance! After the meal, we collected our suitcase, said a quick good bye to Daniel and John and were whisked away to the airport. Mr. Gu (Snoopy’s dad) is clearly a man of significant influence because we were treated like rock stars. We used a private entrance to the airport, waited for our flight in a luxurious room, had the security process done in that private room, and were served tea and treats while we waited. Then when it was time for the flight, we were driven in a private van to the side of the plane where we boarded the plane from a private entrance. Amazing, and beyond first class!

After the 45 minute flight we were met by a contingent of SUV’s that drove our group, now about 10 or so people to the orphanage. I video taped much of the drive, not knowing when we would turn a corner and be there! Good thing John is a great editor, we will need it! Anyway, we entered the orphanage grounds where some of the elementary children seemed to be putting on a performance. We stopped and watched for a few minutes. There were at least a hundred people there milling around the courtyard so when suddenly someone introduced the two people next to me as Cosette’s foster family I was completely thrown. These too, standing here watching? “Yes”. Well, I immediately started to tear up. Imagine! These are the hands that held my princess; the loving voice that sang to her; the arms that held her; the eyes she looked into trustingly for 12 months! What to say? How do I start to tell them the depth of my gratitude? How do I convey to them what a gift they have given me? My head was spinning. Fortunately, we were invited into a conference room inside to talk, so during the 5 minute walk I had a chance to collect my thoughts.

Cosette seemed shy and a little un-engaging. I believe it was just too much for her. How does she process what she was experiencing? If it’s putting me in a tail spin, imagine how she was feeling? I simply can’t!

Once in the conference room and seated, I was able to have a conversation with her foster mom and dad. I asked many questions, they told stories of her babyhood, they gave us a picture of their family, including Cosette, during the time Cosette was living with them. Both moms cried, her foster dad’s eyes swelled with tears several times but he held back. It was… words; help me with the words… a miracle! In the picture above and to the left you see Cosette's foster parents seated next to us. We had prepared a book of photos for them. Pictures of Cosette over the years. We put our phone number and address in the book in several places, hoping they will contact us again. We have no way of contacting them, this is not allowed by the orphanage.

Mr. Gu (Snoopy’s dad) had an schedule, so fairly quickly we were whisked off again. This time to go to Cosette’s finding spot, Potou hospital. At the hospital we took pictures, had a look around and finally went to the maternity ward. Mr. Gu said something about perhaps Cosette was born here so he wanted us to have pictures in that area and with the nurses. It was good to be able to go there. So many times, nightly for many years, we told Cosette her story before bed. We would tell about the hero’s her birth parents were to have found a way to save her life by bringing her to the Potou hospital where people who know how to take care of babies would find her and take care of her. Now we were standing in the very spot where the “crowd of people” reported they found a baby, my baby girl, Cosette! It’s all a little more then I could take.

As we walked around the courtyard, through the corridors of the hospital and drove through the surrounding streets I couldn’t help but think “does she look like any of these people?” “Could any of them be aunts or uncles, cousins or sisters?” She and I talked about that a little. I don’t think she was quite ready for that conversation.

At dinner and then later in the hotel as we talked about the day she asked me quite a few questions. She is really working on putting it all together in her head. She was clearly exhausted physically and emotionally and wanted me to stay in bed with her as she fell asleep. She wrested her cheek on top of my hand, holding tight to my arm. She is clearly feeling things she is unable to articulate.

An amazing day! I’ll post a few pics. For the fellow Zhanjiang parents, I’ll post more pictures tomorrow. We did not tour the orphanage, so I probably didn’t get a lot of pics that would be of much interest to anyone other then our family.

Feeling blessed beyond measure!
Tonya

Just a quick note before I sleep

Just a quick note to say we made it to Guangzhou tonight. The kiddos are asleep and I am about to hit the hay too. John’s back seems to be slowly improving.

We will all have lunch with Snoopy’s parents tomorrow, and then Cosette and I will head to Zhanjiang around 2 p.m. We are flying, not driving as was originally planned. We are quite happy about that! We were not looking forward to 6 hours on the road tomorrow. I’ll take a 45 minute flight any day. Cosette is so excited about our excersion. I can't imagine what it will be like, meeting her foster family. Amazing! As usual I'll take all the pics I can for our fellow Zhanjiang families.

Daniel is doing well. He was so excited about the plane trip, but definitely a little clingier then usual. He didn’t let us out of arms reach. When I put him to bed tonight he wouldn’t relax until I got in bed with him AND he wanted me to take my glasses off. Smart kid, he knows mom doesn't wear her glasses when she sleeps!

Perhaps I will post more tomorrow morning after some sleep, but it’s almost 2a.m. here and I must rest. The kiddos will be up at 7 probably.

T (for J, C & D)

Playing Dress Up in China

Sorry about the short post yesterday. With John incapacitated, the kids require a lot more of me and once I got the kiddo’s to bed I really needed some alone time to rejuvenate. I had a bath, read a bit from a book, listened to worship music on my iPod, enjoyed some dark chocolate covered prunes (you know what those do for you, right?) and went bed. Today was a new day, better in some ways.

We were able to get John to a Chinese doctor. He poked around on John’s back and rattled off in Chinese to Maggie and left the room. He came back with an herbal compress that he attached to John’s back. Gave us verbal instructions to change the compress every other day and not to eat a gazillion different things (fish, beef, chicken, mutton, etc). Basically all he’s supposed to eat is fruit and veggies only for 10 days. Ha, have you met my carnivore? Not likely to happen, but we happily paid the 35 yuan (about $5) for the visit and took our herbs to go. John is feeling better, hopefully the herbs are helping. It could be the Aleve too. We will know more when the meds wear off by the morning. Thanks for your well wishes and prayers. Picture above and to the right is the Doc preparing John's herbs.

Tomorrow could be a difficult day, the morning packing then a 3.5 hours flight to Guangzhou. John’s back is a concern, but also Daniel likely has no concept of an airplane. We have been talking about it a bit, but until it happens you just have no idea how he will respond.

After the Dr’s visit, we dropped John back at the hotel and went to the arboretum. It was beautiful, but in a completely different way then I expected. There were a lot of architectural structures that were beautiful. Not as many flowers. I’ll try to post a slide show for you to enjoy. There was a spot where for 5 yuan each, the kids could dress up in traditional Chinese clothes and have their picture taken. They are adorable! Cosette is dressed in Tibetan dress, and Daniel like a little Chinese Emperor. What fun to get to play dress-up in China!

Daniel did fairly well today. We had one indicant in the gardens this afternoon, but we got through it relatively well. Later that afternoon in the hotel I thought I’d set Daniel up with a movie for some down time. He wanted to watch Cars. I thought he had seen Cars about a dozen times already (remember the 4-5 hour van rides to and from Dalian) and maybe he would enjoy Ratatouille instead. I told him, mostly with mime and gestures, that it was really funny and he finally decided to give it a go. Sure enough, about 10 minutes later we hear roaring laughter coming from our little guy. He is laughing so hard I think he’s going to cry. He cackled for the rest of the movie. It was such a joy to listen and watch him enjoy that movie.

Well, we leave Liaoning tomorrow, finally. John and I were talking about our trip today and realizing that most families would be packing to head home tomorrow, rather then preparing for another week in China. We do love China, and are appreciative for the time to learn more about it and its people, but we are also ready to be home too. Being in Guangzhou will be a little easier, at least there are some people there who speak English! Our guide is about the only person in Shenyang that we have found that speaks good English. There are a few people at McDonalds and KFC who have learned enough English to navigate their menu, but not much more than that. It will also be nice to be in a hotel where there are other adoptive families we can connect with.

Well, it’s 11 p.m. and I need to head to bed.

Be well my friends,
Tonya (for J, C & D)

Please pray for John's back

I think tonight’s post will be short. I’m tired and need to focus on the kids. John’s back has been much worse today, he is now under the covers and thankfully sleeping. He was in a lot of pain today. Please pray for relief. If he doesn’t get better I’m not sure what we will do. It’s difficult to manage the kids by myself, although I am able. The problem is more complex. We have a trip planned for Cosette and I to go to her orphanage in southern China on Saturday and Sunday, and to leave John and Daniel in Guangzhou. This trip is very important for Cosette as she is going to have the opportunity to meet her foster family and see her orphanage. Canceling the trip is not an option. But leaving John in his current condition alone with Daniel is not an option either. We have medication, but it only eases the pain slightly and makes John sleep. That won’t help if he needs to keep up with a 6 year old boy. I’ve asked our guide to recommend a traditional Chinese massage to see if it helps, he may even be willing to try acupuncture, we shall see.

Anyway, please lift John in your prayers.

A couple of pictures of our trip to the Banxi Water Caves, it was truly amazing but my camera’s flash couldn’t illuminate enough to get good pics. Sorry.

Blessings,
Tonya

Shenyang Imperial Palace and Mausoleum

Today was a fun and interesting day of sightseeing. We visited the Imperial Palace and Mausoleum. The Imperial Palace was built around 1625-30 during the Qing era. It is the second largest completely preserved palace China. It was the home of the first two Qing emperors, Nurhachi and Huang Taiji. It was really interesting, and quite beautiful. The Mausoleum we visited is the burial place of Huang Taiji and his wife. I took a lot of pictures so I’ll post a slide show so you can see most of them.

Daniel had a very good day. Thanks for your prayers. He only had one episode today. I don’t know what upset him, honestly it might just have been grief, nothing specific, but he was hitting himself and crying loudly (one might call it screaming). I stayed in the room with him and sent John and Cosette on to breakfast. I rocked Daniel for some time while he cried, holding him like I might a baby. I’ve read that if he missed the baby bonding stage he will need to experience it in order to bond in a healthy way. He was resistant to that position, so I turned him toward me and held his body against mine, his legs straddling me, facing toward me holding his arms under mine so he could not hit himself. He fought me at first, but soon melted into my chest, crying deep gut wrenching tears. We cried together for a short while. It was an exhausting experience both physically and emotionally.

The rest of the day has been delightful. Daniel is such a sweet child. He openly and freely gives us hugs and kisses. He makes great eye contact (except during the grieving episodes) and is trying so hard to be an Eisenhauer. Tonight when I was kissing the kids goodnight, I first went to Daniel and kissed him, hugged in (while he lay in bed) and told him I loved him. Then I walked around to Cosette and did the same. She jumped up and hugged me standing up, holding onto my neck and hanging there for a second. Daniel thought he had been left out, jumped up and got "into position" standing on the bed, holding his hands up in the air and then he shouted "mama come". He wanted the same full body, me holding him hug that Cosette got. He is so affectionate and loving!He continues to ask us to take him to “my new mamma’s house”. He really doesn’t understand why we are not headed to Texas now. Honestly, I don’t completely understand that myself.

On that subject, we will be in Shenyang another few days. You see, this province requires adoptive families to spend 10 working days in province. We arrived on a Sunday, so that means we had to spend 13 days here. On Friday our guide will pickup Daniel’s Chinese passport and with that in hand, we can leave for Guangzhou and the U.S. portion of our adoption process. Yeah!

Please pray for John. His back started acting up today. We are only ½ way through this trip, and we all need him to be mobile! He is resting now with some pain relievers, but he can’t take those during the day AND function normally. Please pray that as John sleeps tonight the muscles will relax!

A quick “Praise the Lord”; last night we spent two hours getting Daniel to sleep. It was an epic battle. Tonight 45 minutes and he’s asleep. No tears and no yelling (Daniel yells when he’s frustrated), no hitting himself on the head! Thank you Jesus; and thank you friends for praying with us.

Well, enjoy the pictures. Have a wonderful Tuesday. I’ll “see” you again tomorrow!

Beyond blessed,
Tonya

Is he sad or mad? or both?

Hi all. After a quick stop at Daniels orphanage to drop off the milk powder and biscuits (both specifically requested by the director), and a 4 hour drive we are back in Shenyang. I didn't take very many pictures today. Right is a pic of Cosette and Daniel giving the gifts to the Director and Mrs. Pan. Below left is Cosette saying goodbye to our Dalian guide, Ilene. Far below on the right are Cosette and Daniel sweetly playing gameboy together.

I’m concerned that I’ve painted to rosy a picture of Daniel’s adjustment to us; and ours to him. It has not been all fun and games. But who would expect that? The fact is, it’s difficult! Daniel has spent 6 years going back and forth between an orphanage and his foster family, never sure what to expect. He has been suddenly removed from everything familiar and placed in this family that smells, looks and sounds so very different. He can’t communicate; he has little or no control over his life at all. I’d be concerned if he wasn’t frustrated.

We are having a lot of fun; we laugh and play most of the time together. But he also has moments of frustration and anger; perhaps he doesn’t understand, perhaps he is afraid? I probably won’t ever know for sure. He rages some during these moments, screaming at us in Mandarin and flailing his legs and arms. It’s very sad. We hold him, make sure he isn’t able to hurt himself or anyone else, and we do our best to reassure him. Rocking and kissing his head, praying for him and loving him the best we know how.

It seems also that he has never heard the word “no”. It’s hard to believe that in the orphanage he was allowed to do what he wanted, but it seems to be the case. He melts into tearful fits if we don’t buy this or that, or when he doesn’t get to sit where he wants, or if he perceives Cosette got some privilege that he did not.

It is difficult to know how to parent a child with whom you can’t communicate. Did he really understand the instruction and disobey? Or did he simply have no idea what we were saying? Perhaps culturally our actions communicated something we did not intend, or maybe he was told his American parents would give him anything he wanted?

Please pray that we would have God’s wisdom!

Tomorrow the Imperial Palace and Mausoleum then a famous dumpling restaurant! Should be a treat for the adults, I hope the kids like it too. Thanks for following along. Cosette wakes up every morning and runs to the computer to see if we have any comments! We enjoy the connection to home. Tomorrow marks the half way point for our trip. I may run out of things to say soon (tee hee).

Be a blessing today!
Tonya

Good bye Dalian

Today Daniel started trying to speak English. He was copying a lot of what we said. It started in the van, driving to or from the Sea World type park today, I don't recall specifically. Cosette was playing “Bubble Gum Bubble Gum” with Ilene. This is a regular game for Cosette, played at least once each time we are in the van, so Daniel has had plenty of opportunities to hear it. All of a sudden I noticed him from the back seat quietly saying “babble gam, babble gam…” He continued with some Chinese/English gibberish then went back to “babble gum…” I pointed it out to John and we enjoyed listening for a few minutes. Then John encouraged him and taught him the rest of the phrase “in a dish.” That was enough for one lesson. As the day went on, we helped him with English words and he happily repeated them, very well I might add. He tried please, thank you, excuse me, and a bunch of others. It’s fun to see him trying.

John and I have noticed an interesting difference between China 6 years ago and now. We have been in different cities this time, so it may be somewhat because of geography or northern culture vs. southern Chinese culture. Who knows? The people simply seem much happier. They smile in the streets and we hear laughter around us. The people seemed much more stern in 2002. It’s a nice change!

People in Dalian seem to have sharper features in their faces, more square shaped faces rather than a round or oval faces. They are also definitely taller and more stoutly built then the people we encountered in the south.

Dalian is a very beautiful city. It is on an ocean peninsula. The weather is relatively mild in September, “never too hot or too cold”, according to our guide, and this is our experience also.

It has been a great privilege to spend these four days learning about Dalian and her people. When we walk the streets and see the people, I wonder, could that one be his birth mom? Will he look like that man when he’s older? And other questions, of course. We are preparing to leave Dalian tomorrow morning, and with her we leave all connections to Daniel’s birth and foster families. I am sad for Daniel. Our happiness, the addition of him to our family as our son, brings with it the prerequisite sadness and loss of his birth family and country. It is an emotional dichotomy that has haunted me for years for Cosette, and now for Daniel as well. We will do our best to bring a piece of Dalian and its people home with us in our hearts. We will teach him about our love for his country and hope and pray that he chooses to love her too, and not to resent her for the wounds inflicted upon him by her.

By God’s grace,
Tonya

Friday and Saturay in Dalian

After the orphanage visit on Friday we went shopping in the Russian district. For a period of Dalian’s history Russian invaders occupied the city. As a result there is a strong Russian influence in some of the architecture. It was so strange to walk down a Chinese street but see matrushka dolls (not sure about the spelling, but these are the nesting dolls Russians are famous for), Russian music blaring and flags waving. Talk about culturally confusing! We weren’t really interested in the Russian wares so we only stayed long enough to take in the strange yet interesting environment.

Next we went to a Chinese tea store and sampled several teas. The Chinese do know good tea. I purchased my favorite, Jasmine. We also had a chance to sample several moon cakes and found one we all really enjoyed. Cosette enjoyed having a Chinese tea party!

In the late afternoon we went shopping for shoes for Daniel. The ones he has been wearing were too small.

The next thing on the schedule was a little play time at a park for the kids. Evidentially there are no playgrounds within walking distance so we went to a park with open green areas and brought a beach ball to kick around. After everyone tired of that game we walked around and found these statues. Each of the kids found their “animal” so we took pictures of them on the statues. There was a local artist in the park who would paint your name with flowers and birds around. See the pics. I think considering the 5 minutes he spent on each one that he did a great job. Cosette and Daniel both really enjoyed watching and I’m sure they will treasure the paintings in the future. One funny thing, once the paintings were dry, the painter asked if we wanted them “in plastic”. Wondering what he meant we asked him to show us. He pulled out a little laminator, right there in the park he plugged in and laminated the paintings!

Today we were off to Ocean Park and some fun in the sun. The park is huge, and I’m sure we didn’t see half of it. Once the kids saw the rides it was all over! We spent a couple of hours watching the kids have a blast. It’s really gratifying to see them enjoy each other.

Our next stop was a shell museum. It was very interesting, but a little slow for the kids. We didn’t linger too long.

The scenic ocean drive was next. What a glorious view! Unfortunately, the kids were tired, but not worn out enough to sleep. They were not at all impressed and wanted us to move on to something “fun”.

Sorry kids, but shopping for the orphanage was next. We purchased the requested milk powder and biscuits. I think they will be surprised by the volume! We cleared the shelf.

We finished our day with a dip in the pool at the hotel, hot baths for the kids and noodles in our room for dinner. We will all sleep well tonight.

Goodnight!
Tonya

Dalian Social Welfare Institute

Today was our orphanage visit. As we drove, we asked Ilene to once again explain to Daniel that we were just going to the orphanage to visit and say good bye. I told him I wanted him to show me where he lived but that I knew he didn’t live there anymore. He lived with us, his family. He wanted to sit in my lap in the van, and hold my hand as we walked in the building but he quickly warmed up. He proudly introduced us as “my mama and my baba” to Mrs. Pan and the Director of the orphanage. They laughed and he was a little mad.

Next we started the tour. (A side note. There are several families who I know are reading, who are waiting to go adopt their children from this orphanage. For them, I’m going to give details that otherwise might not be interesting. Sorry. We parents live for each and every detail we can glean while we are waiting. So others reading bear with me).

We went up a couple flights of stairs to a pristine floor. I had to assume it was prepared for our visit, particularly clean, etc. Then again, that’s what I do when visitors come to my house so I guess it’s expected. The first room we went into was the 2-3 month old room; there were five cribs, each with a baby in it. The babies were dressed in the exact same outfit so it was difficult to be sure if they were girls or boys. We were allowed to pick them up, and I took a couple of pictures before we were asked not to take pictures of the children’s faces. Honestly, we tried to follow the rules, but a couple of faces are in our pictures anyway. The second room was for 4-6 month olds. I believe there were 6 cribs, all but one had babies in them, and the 6^th baby was in a stroller in the same room. Oh and there was only one nanny in each of the baby rooms. We were not invited into the third baby room with the older babies, although from my quick look through the window it wasn’t much bigger then the first two. It was really fun to play with the babies for a few minutes. But one thing was striking; the baby rooms were almost silent. Eerily so. I felt sad for these little ones, and tried to imagine Daniel in one of those cribs, silently waiting for a mom to hold him.

Next we went up more stairs and were quickly ushered down a corridor and into a classroom with several children in it. I fell back from the group and took pictures of the other rooms; kitchen, wash room, showers, beds, etc. When Mrs. Pan noticed I was missing she asked me to join the group (but I had already gotten my pics J). In the school room there were 6 little ones, between 2 and 4 I’m guessing. There was one little guy who was 7 or 8 probably. They told us he was mute and that he was abandoned on their doorstep yesterday. What sadness filled my heart. It’s hard to imagine his pain.

Daniel pointed out three of the little ones, and told us he knew them. One in particular seemed to be a friend. In the picture here (above to the right) Daniels friend is the fourth in the row. Second from the window. They spoke briefly and Daniel said “goodbye friend” in Mandarin. Sadness rushes over me once again.

Next there was what looked like play rooms, although they could have been therapeutic rooms too. I don’t know. I saw a ball pit, colorful mats and stuffed animals.

In the final picture (below) are left to right on the back row, Mrs. Pan, the President of the orphanage (I don’t believe I ever heard his name), me, John, then the orphanage director and our guide Ilene is on the end. The kiddos in the front row don’t need introductions.

As we went outside the adults were talking. I had asked them what the orphanage needed because we wanted to purchase something specifically to help them as they care for these precious kiddos. However, Daniel, who was ever vigilantly looking for John and I while we were inside the orphanage, was now more concerned with leaving. He said “hello, good bye” loudly to all in English and ran to our van, jumped in and promptly sat down. It was from this vantage point that he finally seemed to relax again.

Thanks to those who were praying for us today. We felt your prayers.

Tonya (for J, C & D)

A treat for Cosette

Over the past few days Cosette has been amazing. She has patiently endured little brother pestering her, using her things and sharing mom and dad. She has been generous, kind, and amazingly patient while Daniel, John and I focused on adoption paperwork. In my quiet time a few days ago I thanked God for Cosette and her incredible attitude and I asked him for some opportunity to do something for Cosette; something really special, and just for her.

Today was exactly that. Cosette loves pandas. She probably has 50 or more pandas of every kind in her room. On her 5^th birthday she asked her guests to contribute to helping save the pandas rather then give her gifts. She really does care for these Chinese treasures. It was a complete surprise yesterday when we learned that we were going to go to the Dalian Forest Zoo and see a panda up close. Thank you Father for caring for my baby girl and giving her this special treat!

Some of you have asked specific questions about Daniel so I’ll try to answer those questions:

Size – the one pair of shorts we brought that fit say size “medium”. The size small Gap swim trunks are too big, although the draw string makes them livable. The size 6 under ware is a little big but it’s probably good that it’s big. Daniel was in very roomy boxers when we met him and the briefs we brought are clearly not his favorite. The shirts I brought are size small and medium and they fit well.

Language – Daniel is trying to say some English words. Hello was his first. It’s really cute, he says “Hallo” smiles a full tooth grin and waves. John has it on video, precious. He said “please” today and “car” which is his favorite subject. He talks constantly and is quite dramatic in his inflections. It’s really sad we do not understand his stories. Just a few minutes ago he came over and told me some long elaborate story, dramatizing some of it with actions; marching, dancing, smiling and frowning. It was clearly something funny to him. But I have no idea what he was saying. Very frustrating!

He clearly understands several things. 1) “Daniel NO!” I’m finding myself say that more often then I prefer. I usually like to redirect rather then constantly saying no, but it’s much more difficult without a shared language. Safety alone requires immediate communication sometimes. 2) “Share with sister”. That’s another I repeat fairly often. He really is kind hearted and shares when he understands. But he doesn’t think to share unless directed to do so. 3) “Hello” and “goodbye” are universal I think. He definitely gets those.

Name – We still us Heng and Daniel intermittently. He is starting to respond to the name Daniel. Not sure how he feels about it, but he responds.

Pray for Daniel tomorrow. We are visiting his orphanage in the morning. Today we asked our guide to help him understand what was going to happen, that we were going to see what his life was like when he lived in the orphanage and to say good bye to his friends and nannies. We also wanted him to know he was coming with us back to the hotel and home to America later this month. Immediately when the subject of the orphanage came up he began to protest, wiggle in his seat and ask to sit with me (mom). I pray tomorrow’s visit is not too disturbing. I think it’s important on many levels. It’s important for him to say good bye; for us to see where he lived off and on over his 6 years here in Dalian and it’s important for sister to see what an orphanage in China really like. We appreciate your prayers.

Tonya (for J, C & D)