Why, mommy?

This morning was the first day of the kids Christmas break. Amazingly, the kids were sleeping in. Of course, I woke up early. Instead of grumbling about not being able to sleep in, I decided to take advantage of the time. I got up, turned the coffee on and went to the living room to have my quiet time. After my first cup of coffee and a sweet time with the Lord, I heard the pitter patter of footsteps in the hallway. A few minutes later a pajama clad boy was creeping around the corner. I invited him to join me on the couch under the blanket.

My computer was on the coffee table in front of us, and Daniel asked to look at the pictures. This is a favorite pastime of ours. We flip through the photos and talk about the people, places or things in them. While we were in China we found this was a great way to introduce Daniel to his new world in America. Today I chose the pictures of our trip to China to adopt Daniel. I’m not sure what compelled me to choose those. He was excited at first as we looked at sightseeing pictures, then pictures of us playing in our hotel. He asked some questions concerning where we were “tung guo” (China) or “mei guo” (America).

Soon, we came to the photos of our trip to Daniel’s orphanage. The first pictures were of the baby rooms. Daniel told me about the babies, that they slept in the cribs and that he slept there when he was a baby. He pointed out the kitchen where the nannies made the milk bottles for the babies. He pointed out which bed he slept in. When we saw the pictures of the play rooms I asked him “did you play there”. He said “no, door locked”. When we saw the picture of the school room I asked him about it. He said “me, no school”. We spent about a half an hour talking all about his life in the orphanage.

Daniel's final question broke my heart. He said “mommy, why Cosette home baby, no me. Me home big boy.” He was asking why we adopted Cosette when she was a baby, but adopted him when he was a big boy. I answered with the same reply I gave him the other 10 or so times we’ve had this conversation. “Baby, I’m so sorry. That makes me feel sad too. We came and got you as soon as we knew about you. I’m so sorry baby; I wish you could have come home sooner.” Then we hugged and cried together.

He has profound sadness deep in his little heart. After a few minutes I prayed for him, that God would heal “the owies in his heart”. Then I kissed him and said “wo ai ni” (I love you). He snuggled next to me for another 10-15 minutes. It was a sad but profoundly important moment for us.