Maaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Daniel is a precious child. He has a happy countenance, he is funny too (I think). His physical antics are funny; his facial expressions are obviously trying to communicate humor. He certainly cracks himself up! I wish we knew what he was saying. It’s amazing, his ability to adjust to our home, our family and still have such a wonderful countenance in the midst of what must be very stressful. Don’t get me wrong, he is often frustrated when he doesn’t understand, and he expresses that also. Usually these expressions come in the form of a whinny loud “Maaaaaaaaaaa” from the other room. That usually means he feels his sister has wronged him. (picture on the top right is at the Texas State Fair).

The other day he was giving me a hug and kiss and he whispered "wo ai ne" (I love you) in my ear. We say this to him every time we get a chance and he has been responding in kind for several weeks. Anyway, I guess he wasn't convinced I heard him so he repeated it over and over "wo ai ne, wo ai ne, wo ai ne" about 50 times, each time getting faster and pronouncing it a little less clearly. Now normally this would melt a mothers heart, and I don't mean to be cold hearted, but here's what it sounded like to me "wh i nny, wh i nny, wh i nny", and with a smile on my face I thought, "yes dear, you are whinny, and I love you too."

The almost constant sibling rivalry is something I had not adequately prepared myself for. He looks at Cosette’s room, full of 6 year accumulation of “stuff” and he is jealous. I totally understand. He has a lot of toys of his own, but it certainly does not compare to Cosette’s stash. There is a struggle between the concept of owning and sharing. The toy is Cosette’s, but she is required to share it. An example of our struggle is the bath toys. Cosette was an only child for 6 years. Everything that was for a child was hers, I get that. So now the rules of the game have completely changed. We have two and Daniel wants to play with the bath toys, of course. Well, Cosette is convinced they are hers to control. When not supervised she doles out toys one at a time completely controlling what he has and when. Obviously not ok. It’s an adjustment for all of us!

While Cosette is at school we do normal stuff. Often he will sit and color for 20 minutes at a time (great attention span for a newly adopted child). We work on language building every day; leap frog, flash cards, picture books, writing the alphabet, etc. and he loves all of those activities. He struggles with spatial skills; puzzles are clearly completely new to him and he is just starting to understand that the pieces make a picture. We need to get a few more puzzles for him, ones that will capture his attention. He’s currently working at age level 3-4 with puzzles. We play outside a lot, too; swinging, jumping on the trampoline, swimming in the inflatable wading pool, riding the bike, etc. Of course, we also have to do laundry, wash dishes and go to the grocery store. He is a good helper, loads and unloads the dish washer with me; helps put his clothes away, etc. He is learning so much every day.

We are slowly doing better on the issue of food. At first we were struggling to find foods he could enjoy. I would cook things I thought would be familiar and he would reject them outright. I forced him to take a bite a couple of times. If he doesn’t like it I’m not forcing him to eat it at this point, but he is learning that he really might like things even when they look unfamiliar. He likes plane yogurt, with a teaspoon of honey in it, anything made with beef; bananas, eggs in any form, shrimp and of course rice!

This morning after breakfast he came over to me and gave me a huge hug, kissed me on the cheek and said "tank u ver we match" (thank you very much). At bed time he wants us to stay with him until he falls asleep, but after that he sleeps peaceful alone in his room.

Sometimes I find myself tired, and not wanting to jump, run and resolve one more time. There is a reason why God made our bodies to birth children in our 20’s and 30’s. At 40, chasing a new kiddo around, similar to a toddler who is exploring his world, is exhausting. By the time my two are in bed around 8:15 I crash completely. I’ve slept better then I have for years! I guess that’s good, right.

I’m researching books on helping manage sibling rivalry. Any tips are welcomed. I prepared for a lot of things, but somehow neglected to prepare for this issue.

Dear God, I thank You for the gift of this child to raise, this life to share, this mind to help mold, this body to nurture, and this spirit to enrich.

Let me never betray Daniel’s trust, dampen his hope, or discourage his dreams. Help me dear God to help this precious child become all you mean him to be.

Let Your grace and love fall on him like gentle breezes and give him inner strength and peace and patience for the journey ahead.

We are off to church in a few minutes. Be blessed friends.

Tonya (for J, C & D)