Yesterday after school Daniel decided he wasn't going to do any more homework. When I asked him why he thought that would be okay he responded with "my know English" very emphatically. I told him how proud I am of his English progress but that 'yes' he did still have to do homework and he was devastated.
If only life were that easy sweetheart!
~ T ~
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
I love mommy
I wanted to share that recently Daniel has started saying "I love mommy" a lot lately. He will pause for my reply "Wo ai ne Daniel" (I love Daniel). They he says "No, I really REALLY love mommy" with the emphasis on the second really and a tight hug around my neck. Makes a mothers heart very, VERY happy! He is such a tender and loving little boy who has brought so much joy to our lives.
On a more difficult note, he has recently been telling us about some violence that he witnessed in his foster home. It's quite disturbing, but I'm so glad he is feeling safe enough to tell us. The amazing thing is that Daniel does not seem to be aggressive at all. He has never displayed any aggression at school and when he fights with his sister it's verbal, not physical. What a testimony to God's grace that he did not normalize the violence he saw at home and become violent himself.
Daniel had the flu last week, so the topic of being sick, germs, hospitals, etc. came up quite a few times. During one conversation, he was trying to tell me something and I was not understanding so I asked him to draw me a picture. He drew an arm with an IV in the hand and shots going into his arm. He pointed and said "Daniel's arm." When I asked him if he was very sick he said "Oh, Tung guo (China) say no talk about sick." And that was that. He refused to say another word. It seemed clear to me he was told not to tell us about being sick. I think he forgot at first and then remembered and stopped abruptly.
I am currently searching for a play therapist with international adoption experience. Thus far I'm not having much luck. Karyn Purvis (The Connected Child) lives and works here in the Dallas metroplex but she has a two year waiting list AND you have to be in crisis to even be considered. Daniel is not in crisis. My goal of course is to avoid crisis. Any local recommendations would be appreciated.
Tonya
On a more difficult note, he has recently been telling us about some violence that he witnessed in his foster home. It's quite disturbing, but I'm so glad he is feeling safe enough to tell us. The amazing thing is that Daniel does not seem to be aggressive at all. He has never displayed any aggression at school and when he fights with his sister it's verbal, not physical. What a testimony to God's grace that he did not normalize the violence he saw at home and become violent himself.
Daniel had the flu last week, so the topic of being sick, germs, hospitals, etc. came up quite a few times. During one conversation, he was trying to tell me something and I was not understanding so I asked him to draw me a picture. He drew an arm with an IV in the hand and shots going into his arm. He pointed and said "Daniel's arm." When I asked him if he was very sick he said "Oh, Tung guo (China) say no talk about sick." And that was that. He refused to say another word. It seemed clear to me he was told not to tell us about being sick. I think he forgot at first and then remembered and stopped abruptly.
I am currently searching for a play therapist with international adoption experience. Thus far I'm not having much luck. Karyn Purvis (The Connected Child) lives and works here in the Dallas metroplex but she has a two year waiting list AND you have to be in crisis to even be considered. Daniel is not in crisis. My goal of course is to avoid crisis. Any local recommendations would be appreciated.
Tonya
Friday, February 6, 2009
5 months home... an update
I’ve been quiet for almost a month. Life has kept trucking on, I just haven’t written. I know there are many watching for updates; anticipating my posts because you love my kiddos and want to know how they are doing. So to those, you know who you are, I am sorry for my silence. I will try to post more often.
I had knee surgery on Jan 21. I tell you, recovering from surgery is different at 40 then it was at 28 (the last time I had a scope done). My body simply did not respond the way I hoped. Thankfully my sweet mom flew in from Wisconsin and spent the week with us. She took such great care of all of us! She got the kids off to school each morning, feed us, helped the kids with homework, etc. It was such a blessing to our family. I don’t know what I would have done without her.
Mom left on Sunday, so Monday afternoon when it came time to stand in the kitchen and cook dinner I thought, ‘well, we’ll see how this works.’ It didn’t work. I found I could not stand more then a few minutes. My sweet friend Julie came to the rescue and rushed over with a stool so I can lean or sit while cooking. Thanks Julie! Several other friends blessed us with a gift cards to restaurants so I wouldn’t have to be on my feet so much, cooking dinners, etc. during recovery. What great friends we have, amazing.
Yesterday was the first day of my physical therapy, which hurt like… well a lot! A friend said that the PT should stand for pain and torture, not physical therapy. After yesterday’s appointment I think I agree! Yikes. After PT I thought going out to eat (AKA not cooking) was a great idea so we met John at a restaurant on his way home from work. Daniel invited the waitress to stay and pray with us over our food. It was really sweet. He took her hand and said “you pray with us”. Very graciously, she joined hands with us and bowed her head while John prayed!
Daniel’s communicative language is exploding! Last week I was listening to John, Cosette and Daniel having a conversation from my spot on the couch (while recovering from surgery). They had been to McDonalds as a treat and had each gotten one of those silly happy meal toys. The problem was Daniel couldn’t find his and was feeling frustrated. Finally after thinking about where it might be Daniel said “Daddy, I forgot it in your truck”. Yes, he said each of those words, clearly and in the correct grammatical order. He doesn’t always speak in quite so complete sentences. My mom’s observation was that he is speaking in two word sentences mostly. The point is, he’s doing great. He almost always communicates what he wants to and he keeps trying when we don’t understand.
School is going well. He is slowly picking up on things. His teacher says that as soon as his language catches up he will excel. When I asked about 1st grade next year his teacher said “He’s a very smart boy. I’m not worried at all.” Last week he successfully spelled three of his four spelling words on his quiz. That’s amazing considering until four month ago he knew no English and until three months ago he had no formal education in his life. This week a light bulb of sorts went on as we talked about the pattern in his new list of spelling words: HUG, BUG, RUG, etc. He was so excited when he started to see the UG pattern. The minute John was home he ran and showed John the pattern too. We are very proud of his progress.
Cosette is doing well also. During my recovery from surgery she was such a wonderful little helper. She got out the cereal for the two kids morning. She helped make lunches and was my “runner” when I needed misc. things around the house. She is really excelling at school this year. When asked what her favorite subject is she says “reading.”
Daniel has started telling us stories from China. It has been so interesting learning about his foster parents and foster siblings. One story was about a friend he clearly loved. He told us about walking to his house and playing with him. Sometimes he took naps at his friend’s house. He almost cried when talking about this friend. Another story was about the day the orphanage director took him from his foster family. I think this is also when they headed to Shenyang to meet us (not sure about this). He talked about being in a “big big car” (probably a van) and seeing his “mommy” out the window. He said they were both crying. I’m so grateful he had the love of a mom and dad before he came to be with us. Another story was about a neighborhood dog that he was afraid of. How it chased him and almost bit him. He told us his “daddy” smoked and that he was sometimes mean to his “mom”. I look forward to more and more stories. We have so little information about his first 6 years. I’m writing each down as he shares them hoping these stories will be the source of some peace in the future; a connection to his past of sorts.
My favorite time of the day is when the kiddos first wake up, especially if they wake up separately. My kids are both snugglers! This morning Daniel staggered out of his room first. He came up to me and pushed his little body into mine saying “I love my mommy” while covering his eyes from the light. We usually sit in the rocker for a few minutes, as long as he will stay, and snuggle. I kiss his cheek, and he kisses mine. He hugs me and I hug him. I tell him I love him and he tells me the same. These are priceless moments. I wouldn’t trade them for anything, not even for the cup of coffee that was growing cold in the kitchen while we snuggled.
Happy Chinese New Year
Tonya
I had knee surgery on Jan 21. I tell you, recovering from surgery is different at 40 then it was at 28 (the last time I had a scope done). My body simply did not respond the way I hoped. Thankfully my sweet mom flew in from Wisconsin and spent the week with us. She took such great care of all of us! She got the kids off to school each morning, feed us, helped the kids with homework, etc. It was such a blessing to our family. I don’t know what I would have done without her.
Mom left on Sunday, so Monday afternoon when it came time to stand in the kitchen and cook dinner I thought, ‘well, we’ll see how this works.’ It didn’t work. I found I could not stand more then a few minutes. My sweet friend Julie came to the rescue and rushed over with a stool so I can lean or sit while cooking. Thanks Julie! Several other friends blessed us with a gift cards to restaurants so I wouldn’t have to be on my feet so much, cooking dinners, etc. during recovery. What great friends we have, amazing.
Yesterday was the first day of my physical therapy, which hurt like… well a lot! A friend said that the PT should stand for pain and torture, not physical therapy. After yesterday’s appointment I think I agree! Yikes. After PT I thought going out to eat (AKA not cooking) was a great idea so we met John at a restaurant on his way home from work. Daniel invited the waitress to stay and pray with us over our food. It was really sweet. He took her hand and said “you pray with us”. Very graciously, she joined hands with us and bowed her head while John prayed!
Daniel’s communicative language is exploding! Last week I was listening to John, Cosette and Daniel having a conversation from my spot on the couch (while recovering from surgery). They had been to McDonalds as a treat and had each gotten one of those silly happy meal toys. The problem was Daniel couldn’t find his and was feeling frustrated. Finally after thinking about where it might be Daniel said “Daddy, I forgot it in your truck”. Yes, he said each of those words, clearly and in the correct grammatical order. He doesn’t always speak in quite so complete sentences. My mom’s observation was that he is speaking in two word sentences mostly. The point is, he’s doing great. He almost always communicates what he wants to and he keeps trying when we don’t understand.
School is going well. He is slowly picking up on things. His teacher says that as soon as his language catches up he will excel. When I asked about 1st grade next year his teacher said “He’s a very smart boy. I’m not worried at all.” Last week he successfully spelled three of his four spelling words on his quiz. That’s amazing considering until four month ago he knew no English and until three months ago he had no formal education in his life. This week a light bulb of sorts went on as we talked about the pattern in his new list of spelling words: HUG, BUG, RUG, etc. He was so excited when he started to see the UG pattern. The minute John was home he ran and showed John the pattern too. We are very proud of his progress.
Cosette is doing well also. During my recovery from surgery she was such a wonderful little helper. She got out the cereal for the two kids morning. She helped make lunches and was my “runner” when I needed misc. things around the house. She is really excelling at school this year. When asked what her favorite subject is she says “reading.”
Daniel has started telling us stories from China. It has been so interesting learning about his foster parents and foster siblings. One story was about a friend he clearly loved. He told us about walking to his house and playing with him. Sometimes he took naps at his friend’s house. He almost cried when talking about this friend. Another story was about the day the orphanage director took him from his foster family. I think this is also when they headed to Shenyang to meet us (not sure about this). He talked about being in a “big big car” (probably a van) and seeing his “mommy” out the window. He said they were both crying. I’m so grateful he had the love of a mom and dad before he came to be with us. Another story was about a neighborhood dog that he was afraid of. How it chased him and almost bit him. He told us his “daddy” smoked and that he was sometimes mean to his “mom”. I look forward to more and more stories. We have so little information about his first 6 years. I’m writing each down as he shares them hoping these stories will be the source of some peace in the future; a connection to his past of sorts.
My favorite time of the day is when the kiddos first wake up, especially if they wake up separately. My kids are both snugglers! This morning Daniel staggered out of his room first. He came up to me and pushed his little body into mine saying “I love my mommy” while covering his eyes from the light. We usually sit in the rocker for a few minutes, as long as he will stay, and snuggle. I kiss his cheek, and he kisses mine. He hugs me and I hug him. I tell him I love him and he tells me the same. These are priceless moments. I wouldn’t trade them for anything, not even for the cup of coffee that was growing cold in the kitchen while we snuggled.
Happy Chinese New Year
Tonya
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Why do we do what we do?
When I reflect on Christmas this year, I find it was full of so many wonderful things. Seeing Christmas through Daniels eyes gave us the opportunity to reflect on why we do what we do at Christmas time. Think about it, having a tree inside our hose, that’s kinda crazy, right? Stockings hanging on the mantel, gift exchanges, parties, wreath on the door, etc. Why do we do them? Tradition, I know, but what meaning do they hold for our family? And if it’s an empty tradition, do we really need it? How does this activity, tradition or event celebrate our precious Jesus’ birth? Some things are simply fun, and we enjoy them together as a family, no harm right? Probably not, but what if these things distract from the reason we celebrate, God sending his Son to earth to reconcile us to the Father.
Daniel is in the “why?” phase! Remember that phase when your kids asked why about everything, then they asked “why” again, and again, and again? I’m sure you remember. It can be annoying, but I’m trying to allow these questions to help me think about WHY. I don’t want to just go through the routine without thought. Why do I spend days baking gifts for my neighbors? Is it just a gift? Or am I taking the opportunity to bless them, build relationships and hopefully open doors so I can introduce them to my Jesus! How might I do it differently if I have these things in my mind?
What are your traditions? Ask yourself WHY. Allow yourself to get beyond the emotional attachment to these things and truly reflect on their meaning, their value to this very important celebration of Christ’s birth.
Daniel is in the “why?” phase! Remember that phase when your kids asked why about everything, then they asked “why” again, and again, and again? I’m sure you remember. It can be annoying, but I’m trying to allow these questions to help me think about WHY. I don’t want to just go through the routine without thought. Why do I spend days baking gifts for my neighbors? Is it just a gift? Or am I taking the opportunity to bless them, build relationships and hopefully open doors so I can introduce them to my Jesus! How might I do it differently if I have these things in my mind?
What are your traditions? Ask yourself WHY. Allow yourself to get beyond the emotional attachment to these things and truly reflect on their meaning, their value to this very important celebration of Christ’s birth.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Why, mommy?
This morning was the first day of the kids Christmas break. Amazingly, the kids were sleeping in. Of course, I woke up early. Instead of grumbling about not being able to sleep in, I decided to take advantage of the time. I got up, turned the coffee on and went to the living room to have my quiet time. After my first cup of coffee and a sweet time with the Lord, I heard the pitter patter of footsteps in the hallway. A few minutes later a pajama clad boy was creeping around the corner. I invited him to join me on the couch under the blanket.
My computer was on the coffee table in front of us, and Daniel asked to look at the pictures. This is a favorite pastime of ours. We flip through the photos and talk about the people, places or things in them. While we were in China we found this was a great way to introduce Daniel to his new world in America. Today I chose the pictures of our trip to China to adopt Daniel. I’m not sure what compelled me to choose those. He was excited at first as we looked at sightseeing pictures, then pictures of us playing in our hotel. He asked some questions concerning where we were “tung guo” (China) or “mei guo” (America).
Soon, we came to the photos of our trip to Daniel’s orphanage. The first pictures were of the baby rooms. Daniel told me about the babies, that they slept in the cribs and that he slept there when he was a baby. He pointed out the kitchen where the nannies made the milk bottles for the babies. He pointed out which bed he slept in. When we saw the pictures of the play rooms I asked him “did you play there”. He said “no, door locked”. When we saw the picture of the school room I asked him about it. He said “me, no school”. We spent about a half an hour talking all about his life in the orphanage.
Daniel's final question broke my heart. He said “mommy, why Cosette home baby, no me. Me home big boy.” He was asking why we adopted Cosette when she was a baby, but adopted him when he was a big boy. I answered with the same reply I gave him the other 10 or so times we’ve had this conversation. “Baby, I’m so sorry. That makes me feel sad too. We came and got you as soon as we knew about you. I’m so sorry baby; I wish you could have come home sooner.” Then we hugged and cried together.
He has profound sadness deep in his little heart. After a few minutes I prayed for him, that God would heal “the owies in his heart”. Then I kissed him and said “wo ai ni” (I love you). He snuggled next to me for another 10-15 minutes. It was a sad but profoundly important moment for us.
My computer was on the coffee table in front of us, and Daniel asked to look at the pictures. This is a favorite pastime of ours. We flip through the photos and talk about the people, places or things in them. While we were in China we found this was a great way to introduce Daniel to his new world in America. Today I chose the pictures of our trip to China to adopt Daniel. I’m not sure what compelled me to choose those. He was excited at first as we looked at sightseeing pictures, then pictures of us playing in our hotel. He asked some questions concerning where we were “tung guo” (China) or “mei guo” (America).
Soon, we came to the photos of our trip to Daniel’s orphanage. The first pictures were of the baby rooms. Daniel told me about the babies, that they slept in the cribs and that he slept there when he was a baby. He pointed out the kitchen where the nannies made the milk bottles for the babies. He pointed out which bed he slept in. When we saw the pictures of the play rooms I asked him “did you play there”. He said “no, door locked”. When we saw the picture of the school room I asked him about it. He said “me, no school”. We spent about a half an hour talking all about his life in the orphanage.
Daniel's final question broke my heart. He said “mommy, why Cosette home baby, no me. Me home big boy.” He was asking why we adopted Cosette when she was a baby, but adopted him when he was a big boy. I answered with the same reply I gave him the other 10 or so times we’ve had this conversation. “Baby, I’m so sorry. That makes me feel sad too. We came and got you as soon as we knew about you. I’m so sorry baby; I wish you could have come home sooner.” Then we hugged and cried together.
He has profound sadness deep in his little heart. After a few minutes I prayed for him, that God would heal “the owies in his heart”. Then I kissed him and said “wo ai ni” (I love you). He snuggled next to me for another 10-15 minutes. It was a sad but profoundly important moment for us.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
What's in a word?
Today at lunch John and I decided to make a list of all the words Daniel knows. These are not the words he understands, there are far more of those. These are words he uses personally and correctly in context. I’ll write them in phrases, so you know the types of things he is communicating:
- Little bit (usually referring to how many vegetables he would like on his plate)
- See you tomorrow (to his teacher at the end of the day)
- More please (usually referring to the main entrée or meat dish)
- Please stop (to his sister)
- Go faster (about moms driving)
- Airplane (we live within 10 minutes of DFW airport so this is a VERY commonly used word for Daniel)
- Church
- School
- Computer (but it sounds more like ‘cuuuuuum puter’, very cute)
- Broken (referring to the ‘cuuuuum puter’ that dad is building from spare parts for the kids)
- Mommy
- Daddy
- Cosette
- Onyx (baby cat)
- Molly (2 yr old cat)
- Grandma
- Opa
- Isabelle (Sounds like ‘it’s a ball’ our 7 year old neighbor)
- Please TV (usually with a begging whinny tone)
- Teacher
- Mrs. Carroll (his teacher’s name)
- Good job (he is quick to affirm, love this about him)
- Outside (he always wants to be outside, except when Cosette is inside)
- Inside
- Cat
- All done? (Usually asking if Cosette is finished with her home work yet)
- No thank you
- Excuse me
- Toilet
- Bathroom
- Why?
- Hungry
- Eat
- Look
- I don’t know (anytime he doesn’t understand. Sounds more like “I du no”
- Play (usually asking Cosette to do so)
- Bingo
- Wash hands (after toilet)
- Brush teeth
- Shoe
- Socks
- My (me, mine, etc. with usage similar to a 2 year old)
- My turn
- Fork
- Numbers 1-20 (higher sometimes, but not consistently, for some reason he skips the 6 in each set over 20. For example he says 23, 24, 25, 27, 28…)
- Car
- Truck
- Daniel (He often speaks in third person, but it’s cute)
- Pick up (his room)
- Room
- Help
- Go? (Usually about getting to go in the truck with Dad somewhere)
- House
- Careful
- Gentle
I'm sure there are more, but these are the ones we witnessed today between lunch and bed time. During dinner Daniel was trying to tell us something. He said it several times, with increasing frustration. Finally Cosette figured it out. He was saying "Me speak English". Yes dear, you are an amazing child and you are speaking English.
Christmas Blessings,
Tonya
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Three months...
On Monday, Dec. 1 we celebrated three months with Daniel! The time has been more difficult and more fun than I ever imagined. Just for fun, here are a few things I’ve learned in the past three months:
- You do not need a common language in order to communicate.
- Three weeks is too long to live out of hotels in a foreign country if you have two young children.
- You don’t have to have to be blood related in order to fight with your sibling.
- For emersion to be successful it requires actual participation in the classroom.
- Blogs are fun to write!
- Silly is silly in any language.
- My boy requires a lot more energy than my girl ever did.
- Kittens are cute, but they grow into cats very quickly.
- Sharing is hard at any age.
- Mommy not working is good for everyone in the family, except Mr. Budget.
- Snuggling is fun in any language.
- Both of the boys in our family wish momma would drive faster.
- Chocolate is a necessary stress reliever.
- Love is communicated through actions not words.
There are a million other things, but that’s enough for today.
This morning I woke up, walked into the living room and found Cosette and Daniel sitting on the couch under a blanket together. Cosette had a pile of books by her side and was reading to her brother (picture above). It made my heart happy.
Merry Christmas friends,
Tonya (for J, C & D)
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